feel all the feels

This (academic) year I’ve made a personal goal related to the idea of emotional intelligence. I’ve always been one for personality types and test - always wanting to know why I think the way I do and why other people think the way they do and how that all works (or doesn’t work) together. I’ve learned this so far - I’m very good at knowing what I need emotionally and I’m generally very bad at asking people for it. This normally results in my dumping all of the feels on someone totally unrelated to the situation (S/O to the people who listen to all of my confused feelings and thoughts. I love you)

As I’ve come to this realization, I’m noticing just how much that affects different pieces of my life, personal and professional. I know I need to be affirmed, but I didn’t ask for affirmations. I know that I need to feel heard, but I wasn’t asking if others understood where I was coming from. I know that I need to feel what I’m feeling, but I wasn’t sharing that in helpful ways with other people.

So I guess writing this is a way of holding myself accountable - of putting it all out there for you (whoever you are) to see and trust that you’ll call me out gently if you know I need something but I’m not asking for it.

And I’m also writing this to say thank you to the miracle-workers in my life who magically know what I need without me asking. Whether it’s telling me I did a good job or that you like my sweater or a well-timed text or just a smile. It matters to me, and you matter to me. So thanks for getting me when I don’t always get myself.

As always, I love you for reading this, whoever you are.